meditation, broken down

I have to be honest. If you had asked me about meditation before 2016, I would have laughed at you, like deep, roaring belly laughter that was a mix between intrigue and annoyance. I would have also used the array of excuses of why meditation would never work for me that so many have thrown at me since. Fast-forward nearly five years later, not only do I meditate daily, I am certified to teach it. Talk about a mindset changing. I credit meditation for unlocking my spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. It’s been the key to everything that I’ve created since.

Grab a pen and a quiet space. Open your mind. Give yourself ample time to be within the flow of these words, as it’s a much longer blog than you are accustomed to me writing. If you can do that for yourself, it is my pleasure to break down meditation.

First, let me remind you that life is not nearly as complicated as we make it. Your natural state of being is not stress, fear, anxiety, grief, or a sense of drowning, no matter what lies you’ve allowed the storyteller, A.K.A. your mind, to tell. Your natural state is peace, calm, and grounded in gratitude, joy, love—all the ways of being in which you first were when you arrived upon your birth. It’s that sense of childhood wonder that many of us release in favor of the many things along our path that are seen as misfortunate, tragic, misdirected, or the conditioning that never quite aligned. We lay down the good and opt for the hard because we’ve been taught that the most significant rewards are found in the struggle. That’s one of the biggest lies that have been passed down from generation to generation. We are not here to suffer.

Despite this conditioning, your natural state of peace and joy is still very much active and alive. In fact, you see glimpses of it in your daily life, but it comes and goes in strikingly simple moments. If you are not tuned in to your inner being, it’s easy to let the good pass, unacknowledged. There is a way to reach for this state so that it once again becomes your natural approach. The reach is meditation—it’s the way back.

For a moment, I beg you to suspend your preconceived notions of meditation. The hippie hoopla, the spirituality-no-thanks-that-not-for-me attitude, the intense arguments for your vast limitations in time, space, and perhaps even desire, or the misaligned thoughts that bump up against your long-held beliefs, let them go. Put down those limiting statements, too. As I said, I’ve even uttered a few of them in the beginning. They sound something like “I can’t meditate, because I can’t sit still long enough,” “I can’t shut my brain off, ever,” “I can’t be quiet; if you had any idea how loud it is inside my head you wouldn’t ask me to find stillness,” “I don’t have time,” and “Meditation is not for me.”  Oh, how wrong you are.

Another thing, before you begin making an argument for your inadequate know-how, let me let you in on a secret—there is no wrong or right way to meditate. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard or read; you literally cannot get this wrong. Many may argue with this statement, but I say, let them disagree. Meditation is called a practice for a reason. Remember what you already know—practice makes progress. Meditation is not something to master; it’s an individual tool inward. It’s the beginning of the work you’ve already started, my dear.

So, what is meditation exactly? I mean besides the idea of sitting with candles burning, as depicted.  

Let me save you the hours of frustration I experienced when I started my practice. Meditation literally means calming the whirlpools of the mind. It’s a taming of the storyteller. I love the actual definition of meditation because it removes the mystery and boils it down to simple facts. The collective meaning simply says to engage in a mental exercise—such as concertation of the breath or a mantra (mantra being a statement such as I am loved—don’t worry, you can read more on “I Am” statements here), or contemplation or reflection. It’s stillness within everyday chaos. Some religions use the word meditation to mean or in exchange for the word prayer.  

 Even at its simplest, this practice rearranges your perspective, heals, and steals the idea that everything must be for fulfillment and peace to be achieved. That’s backward, actually. Peace must be found within you for everything to be perfectly aligned—that’s fulfillment. While meditation offers much more, there are a few truths about the art that must be cleared up for the doubters and non-practitioners.

 Let’s quickly dig into a few false thoughts.

 False thought number one: the act of fostering calm and meditation goes against organized religion. Whatever your beliefs, meditation, in one sense or another, is found within the roots and practices of most major religions, including Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam, to name a few. If religion is your excuse, it’s time to open your religious text and dig in.

False thought number two: Meditation is a way to relax. It’s breathing, sitting, the end. Relaxation is a byproduct of meditation; it is not the goal. The end game is Shanti (peace) and insight. As I said before, it’s an introduction of the storyteller (the mind) to the author—that’s you.

False thought number three: To meditate correctly, you must be able to silence your thoughts.

Your thoughts don’t stop because you tell them to; in fact, telling yourself to stop thinking is a thought. Your brain does not have to be at complete stillness to meditate. With practice, thoughts will slow, but witnessing a thought does not equal failed meditation.

False thought number four: Meditation is not for everyone, and not everyone can develop the practice. Meditation is a mental activity. If you have mental capacity, meditation is for and available to you. Remember, it’s calming the whirlpools of the mind. Sounds fantastic, right?

False thought number five: Meditation is a struggle. This one always gets me. What is struggle? Have you ever actually thought about it? I know you’ve experienced it, but have you thought about what it is? Right, most don’t. It’s a mindset, a physical, mental, and emotional act, behavior, and thought pattern. I hope that now you see it for what it is. You’ve done struggle. Meditation is an art of progression. It’s the gateway to a better human existence. It’s never about struggle. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Take the expectation of effort off the table. Peace is not a struggle; it’s ease. If you enter meditation with a struggle or lack mentality, you will foster the same emotions you hope to change.

We could dig through a thousand false ideas of meditation, but let’s gear toward the basics and grow in the doing of the practice.

What are the benefits?

Meditation has the power to help you reach your fullest potential. It’s about learning to understand, accept, and heal who you are, where you are, and what is to come. Like mindfulness, meditation is free. You do not need a fancy space, cushion, candles, crystals, malas (prayer beads), and all the “stuff” available out there. All you need is determination, time, quiet, breath, attention, and focus. That’s it. All of those are available to you right now, at this very moment.

Proven advantages to a consistent practice look much like that of mindfulness with a few additional extras. Consistent practitioners often experience:

Increased confidence

Increased awareness

Boosts in happiness and quality of life

Reduced depression and anxiety

Lower blood pressure, fewer stress-related illnesses, and improved general wellness

Increased self-control and focus

Improved memory

Improved “gray matter” (the good stuff) in the brain

Increased satisfaction and optimism

Emotional stability

Should I go on? Are those benefits enough to convince you to give meditation a go?

Now, here’s the deal, you must create a solid practice to receive the benefits. Practice implies doing something on the repeat. Like anything you give your attention to, you must be willing to show up to gain.

While you cannot get meditation wrong, there are a few loose guidelines that will help you avoid the beginner pitfalls. If meditation is not new to you, perhaps there is something below that shakes up and elevates your current routine.

 Guideline 1: Meditation is not a place to sit with a problem.

You already know that what you think about grows. Do not sit with what you see as a deficiency. Perceived problems are for your journal and non-meditation hours. Peace cannot be found in the attitude of lack. This art is the focus of breath and higher frequency thoughts. Your practice is not there for you to solve the world’s problems. It’s a place for the dissolving of such.

 Guideline 2: Choose a time to meditate.

Honestly, it does not matter if you meditate in the morning, at lunchtime, in the shower, or at night, as long as you are consistent. At the beginning of your practice, I would urge you to meditate in the quiet of the morning hours. Do so before your day fully gets underway. Do it with your coffee and a notebook. Take five, ten, fifteen minutes to incorporate the practice into your morning routine. Once you become seasoned, it will be easier to move your meditation time around to meet your scheduling needs, should you need to do so. Remember, at the beginning of any practice or habit, you must dedicate a set time for the exercise to become a tangible habit and produce results.

 Guideline #3: Let go of the idea of rapid results.

Speaking of results, even with all the benefits of meditation, don’t expect to walk away with a sense of calm on day one. In fact, it may be quite the opposite. The quick fix attitude we have for nearly everything in our society will cause you to feel disappointed and highly frustrated. This is a practice of ease—a slow walk, not a run. The benefits come with the natural progression of the habit. It takes time. You did not arrive at your current state overnight. What you seek to release, undo, and grow will not transform overnight either. Can we shake on that? It’s so important to remember.

 Guideline #4: Start small—very, very small.

I love thinking big and going all out, but I urge you to get small for once. Get very, very small.

There is no timeframe, a magic number of minutes or hours, that will transform your meditation practice into a habit. Many beginners try to sit in meditation for twenty or thirty minutes when it would be far more beneficial to spend five minutes developing the habit. Avoid setting unrealistic goals. One minute, three minutes, or five is a fantastic way to start. Again, progression is critical. Be a beginner. What were the limitations you began to offer at the beginning of this post? Keep those in mind and move through them. Do not force yourself into a half-an-hour marathon if you know sitting still for three minutes seems nearly impossible. Set a timer for three minutes. Check-in. See how you feel. If you feel good, go for another three to five. Work your way up. Science says twenty minutes of meditation is just as productive as an hour. What do your storyteller, body, and schedule allow? You have five minutes at the start of your day. Use it wisely. When you reach for the good feeling habits, the rest will fall into place, gradually.

Guideline #5: Get your thoughts out of the way.

Thoughts will come. Meditation has a way of bringing attention to thought; because it’s the one time of the day, you allow yourself time to slow down. I highly recommend a notebook, outside of your regular journal, that will enable you to write out the words coming in. Once they have been witnessed and written down, do your best to release them. If you cannot do so, especially if the thought is weighted in negativity, this is a clue to stop meditation for the day. Again, meditation is not a place to solve problems. It is far better to try again tomorrow than to set the tone of your day steeped in unwanted thoughts and low-lying feelings.

Guideline #5: Know your reason.

What is your reason for meditation? Is there something on the benefits list you are trying to achieve? If so, keep that in the forefront.

 Guideline #6: Be Consistent.

There, I said it again. That’s how important it is. Be consistent. Show up. This is a workout for the brain, the re-training, if you will. Your brain is the strongest muscle in your body. Think about it; you cannot get a six-pack by hitting the gym once every three weeks. You can’t yield the benefits of meditation by inconsistent effort, either.

 Guideline #7: Let go of judgment.

Just like a mindfulness practice and reaching for quality thoughts, meditation has a way of showing you where your thought patterns often reside. Hold no judgment of the storyteller when you enter meditation, nor a feeling of what it is producing, or the experience you may or will have during meditation from day-to-day. Judgment does not belong in your practice. Each day will be different—just like it is outside of your designated meditation time. 

 Now, you are on a path to success. It’s time to create a basic meditative habit.

The way inward:

Select a quiet, calm space. A place and time you can be alone with little to no interruptions.

Get comfortable. Sit straight in a chair or on the floor—spine tall, shoulders back. Try not to lay down or recline.

Silence your devices, and set a timer, if you wish.

Close your eyes or keep them open, whatever is the most comfortable.

Close your mouth and do not clench and tighten your jaw.

Draw in a few deep, cleansing breaths through your nose. Every inhale and exhale will come in and leave through your nostrils.

Gradually draw your attention to your breath. Notice the air moving in and out. Feel it flow in, down your throat, and into your lungs. Notice the rhythm of the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen. Let the breath come naturally.

Breathe. Focus on the sensation of deep, whole breaths.

Notice any thoughts, feelings, emotions, awareness coming in, and then return to your breath.

Slow down. Witness. Breathe.

Keep repeating the pattern. Ease will begin to settle within you.  

When you are ready, gently ease back into your space. Open your eyes slowly, stretch, and take a few deeper, effortless breaths. Do not rush. Let the peace you crafted carry you throughout your morning.

That simple breathing exercise is a basic meditation. One that you have the power to do at any time you see fit. Remember, you are unlocking peace by calming the whirlpools of the mind. It’s a learning of letting go. What grows from that is a life unlike anything you could have ever dreamt. Peace has a way of changing you.

 Time will change your practice. Let it. For me, what once began as a breath has become a full practice of intention setting, I Am affirmations, journaling, meditation, and prayer to start each day I’m fortunate enough to wake. Start small, and before you know it, your bigger picture will unfold.

There is beauty inside of you. There is beauty around you. In fact, there is beauty in everything. Meditate. I promise you’ll see it too.

WRAPPING UP, are you ready? Meditate your way to your most authentic, highest, and best self. I dare you.

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a certified Life Coach with a specialty certification in mindfulness, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a certified meditation coach. She is also the creator behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2020